The Stories I Tell...

My childhood ruined me. Okay, that was a bit dramatic. Actually, it was Disney that ruined me. Or maybe it was the romance novels. I’m not sure anymore. One thing I’m sure of? Love is stooooopid. As a kid, I was presented with a very idealistic and probably unrealistic view of romance. But as the smart kid, I quickly wised up. Almost no couple I saw in real life reflected what I saw on screen and in books. The horror stories I heard about what married people did to each other definitely didn’t help either. So I concluded, no such thing as love. Of course, we love God and babies ( because who doesn’t love babies?) From a young teenager to a young man, I never had an inkling of that feeling that would make me want to commit to someone. Of course, I had crushes, but that was all they were, fantasies. I liked the Hollywood love, but I knew that wasn’t possible. I guess it’s true what they say: if you wait long enough, everything changes. And that’s precisely what happened. One never plans...

     He had been standing there for what seemed like hours, unable to make up his mind, and with each passing second, the award plaque grew heavier in his hands. He could hear his father’s voice echoing from the past as clearly as though he was present in the room with him. Which was not surprising after all, as he was standing in his father’s study. He remembered how he would stand with his elder brother Seyi as they helped his father set up more space on the Wall of Achievements as a child. He could remember how their father would tell them with pride in his voice, the stories of each award as he added more and more every year. He stared again at the wall, which told the story of his father, Dr Obafemi Michaels, his outstanding career as a surgeon, researcher, and even as an upstanding citizen of his country. The wall was covered with award plaques and souvenirs. There was even a medal of honour from the former president.       The Wall of Achievemen...

  Chidi struggled with his tie in front of his wife's mirror. He could hear his Adaku's patience going down the drain as she repeatedly honked from the garage. A smile appeared on his face as he mused about how husbands usually have to wait for their wives. Now she was the one waiting for him. If only he could knot the damn bowtie correctly! After a few more trials, Chidi gave up and took out the navy blue necktie, which he already knotted in the usual way some time ago. Then, grabbing their tickets, he went to join his wife in the car.  In less than an hour, they were seated in the conference hall. The event planners had decorated the hall with ribbons and balloons in the company's colours: red and blue. Two chairs were placed at round tables which had been arranged around the hall to face the dais. The dais had the designated high table behind which had been placed large cushion chairs. A banner on the dais loudly announced: Happy Retirement, Chief Oluwole! In front of t...

 I'll start with two axioms.    The first goes thus: “ No man is an island .”   The second axiom is “ Life Na per head .”        The first axiom is a popular one that basically means humans need each other. According to this translation, no one has  all  that he needs to survive. He needs another person's knowledge. He needs tools produced by someone else. He cannot possibly produce everything he wants and therefore needs to trade with another person.         But that's just the foundation of the axiom. It is more than that. In fact, there are several levels of how humans are interwoven with one another. Scientists say man is a social creature. He always seeks out others to form relationships. That's probably why we have words such as community, couple, citizens, family, associations, guild. The list goes on.         However, of particular interest to me, is another le...

   4 A.C  This life no just balance o .    Since Bayo met Cynthia, he has been giving me extra work. Anytime she's nearby, I have to beat faster. Sure, I know Bayo is still a young man and that means I am a young heart. But that doesn't mean I should start doing extra work because of another human being. It's not as if Bayo is dreading being sacked anytime his boss asks him to his office. Neither is he playing football. I bet Cynthia's heart is not doing any extra work on Bayo's account.    A girl that looks the way the Eyes have described her surely wouldn't be falling head over heels for Bayo. Eyes said Cynthia has hips that didn't lie, skin the colour of roasted groundnuts, and teeth that had probably been in a million toothpaste ads. She's out of his league. She probably only talks to guys that have their own cars and Bitcoin.  P.S: I'll be using A.C meaning After Cynthia to denote the timeline. 37 A.C   I'm too young to be diagnosed with...

  I don't talk to strangers. What I mean is, I don't have unnecessary conversations with service people. If I have an appointment with a doctor, I don't need his bedside manner. I don't need enquiries about my welfare from the market woman at the stall where I always buy my semo or idle chit chat with my barber as he cuts my hair. Even on a bus, I don't join in on the familiar chorus of how bad this country is getting. I don't think I'm better than people. I'm just not good at verbal communication, so I write instead. I'm better at it. I eavesdrop on the conversations of people around me and reinvent them as fiction. That's how I became an international best-selling author.  A year has passed since I last published a novel. That's why I decided to go out to find fresh ideas. Public transportation is usually ripe with stories to transform into captivating tales.  As I waited on a street in my city, I spotted a keke. It was empty except for the...

   A woman and her daughters. She sits on the tiled floor with her back against the wall. She is clothed in a wrapper which is tied around her waist, leaving her saggy breasts exposed. Oluwashikemi, her firstborn, sits on the floor in between the robust thighs of Opemipo, her last daughter. Taiwo, her second daughter is lounging on the sofa while staring at the ceiling. She appears to be present only in the flesh. Kehinde, her twin sits on what used to be her father's favourite chair. Like an exiled dictator, the man of the house is in his study which he rarely leaves since he retired.   Shikemi, aged 25, by having lived longest with their mother knew what was on her mind. She is the one to slice open the silence.  “Guess who I saw at the bank yesterday?” “Another fine bobo to be your brother-in-law,” Opemipo replied without missing a beat as she made her sister's hair. “I saw Lanre.” An audible sigh came from the sofa. “That guy is in serious money,” she bent h...