Love is Stoopid

My childhood ruined me. Okay, that was a bit dramatic. Actually, it was Disney that ruined me. Or maybe it was the romance novels. I’m not sure anymore. One thing I’m sure of? Love is stooooopid.

As a kid, I was presented with a very idealistic and probably unrealistic view of romance. But as the smart kid, I quickly wised up. Almost no couple I saw in real life reflected what I saw on screen and in books. The horror stories I heard about what married people did to each other definitely didn’t help either. So I concluded, no such thing as love.

Of course, we love God and babies (because who doesn’t love babies?)

From a young teenager to a young man, I never had an inkling of that feeling that would make me want to commit to someone. Of course, I had crushes, but that was all they were, fantasies. I liked the Hollywood love, but I knew that wasn’t possible.

I guess it’s true what they say: if you wait long enough, everything changes.

And that’s precisely what happened. One never plans these things. One day you find yourself doing something you never thought you’d be capable of. I tried resisting, but the heart is a treacherous bastard. And it seemed I had hit the lottery the first time; she liked me back! I don’t think there’s a more powerful feeling than the feeling of being wanted. That period was something, though. I stayed up late at night texting, wrote a lot of lovey-dovey stuff, and knew her schedule. Ọmọ! Love is sweet.

Say it’s not enough to be in love. You need to prove it somehow - Finneas

But love makes you feel responsible for someone else. At least, it made me feel that way. You want to be everything for that person. You want to protect and provide for them. Knowing this scared the hell out of me. I barely knew where my life was headed at that point; how could I take responsibility for someone else? I aspire to certainty. Love is not sure; love is scary.

Sadness at being caught, at the incontrovertible knowledge that she will never forgive you

I got into my own way of falling in love. I ran away. I simply quit talking to her. Here’s a question: Is it still love if you think the other person deserves more than you? See? Love is stoopid.

This is what I know: people’s hopes go on forever.

I have known quite some people who’ve been in a relationship. I’m happy for them. But then they experience heartbreak. Afterward, they are back on their feet, ready to dive headfirst into something that already hurt them. Why? Why??

I honestly don’t know. Remember I said I like certainty in my life? Anyway, on to the other side of the coin. Pain. Because when you flip the coin, you might get love, or you might get heartbreak.

Heartbreak aka Breakfast

Have I experienced heartbreak? I honestly don’t know. I don’t think I have, but I know I’ve definitely felt it. If you’ve read up to this point, it should be no surprise that it was self-inflicted.

No details but long story short, as the famous song by Passenger goes, “only know you love her when you let her go.” Well, I’ll amend that line a bit. “You only know how much you love someone when you let them go, and they move on without you.”

Turns out the pain of losing a lover is a universal language. Because there are a lot of songs and books with heartbreak running through it as the central theme. Hands up if you’ve ever experienced any of the following symptoms:

• You keep waiting for the heaviness to leave you. You keep waiting for the moment you never think about the [person] again. It doesn’t come.
• You eventually erase her contact info from your phone but not the pictures you took of her.
• In those first days, [you feel] so alone that every day was like eating [your] own heart
• You can’t listen to love songs. But then listening to heartbreak songs hurts like being hit by a car over and over.
• You ask everybody you know: How long does it usually take to get over it? There are many formulas. One year for every year you dated. Two years for every year you dated. It’s just a matter of willpower: The day you decide it’s over, it’s over. You never get over it.

You read this far? I’m impressed. I had no idea what my intention was when I set out to write this. So if you found it readable, thank you.

I’ve been accused of being a romantic. Maybe there’s some truth in that. I know I’m really into emotions, mine and those of others. That probably explains why I have a lot of heartbreak and love songs on my phone. Their lyrics are sung with such strong emotions. If you don’t believe me, ask Adele. It probably also explains why I now prefer K-drama. The love portrayed there is sweet, cheesy, and not so blatantly unrealistic as Hollywood’s.

This write-up was mainly inspired by This is How You Lose Her, a novel by Junot Diaz. I’ve quoted a lot of excerpts from it. I wrote this while listening to my Spotify playlist, which you can listen to by clicking this link

 https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0nixfFXaiYXC9cTgTYu7Qe

For lovers of music, if you ever experience heartbreak, listen to the O’Connell siblings; Billie, if it was your fault, and Finneas, if it wasn’t yours. 

Ciao! Comment and share.