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I Lost A Friend...sortof


 

I lost a friend
like keys on the sofa

Those are the opening lyrics of a song by Finneas that haunted me for a while a few months back. The first verse paints a picture we're familiar with: losing your keys, your wallet, time, or a bad bet. It usually starts with having confidence in the knowledge that you know where the keys are or you have time or you'd win the best. A Confidence that quickly vanishes in a puff of smoke when you realise that you aren't in control. Then you ask yourself, 'How did this happen?' One day you're looking at photos and it hits you that you haven't spoken to Paul or Jennifer in forever and that it would be totally weird to do so now.

You've lost a friend.

This is a story about how I lost a friend...for a bit anyway. It is highly condensed but you'll get the gist. In this story, I'll call my friend Drake. Lol.

It begins with a party-that-wasn't-a-party. I had been experiencing a bit of Impostor's Syndrome around my friends and was avoiding them except for one whom I'll call Chris. One day I'm in town after being away for months and I hit up Chris to show up at my place. Chris comes over with Kate, who is also a friend. Three is a crowd, and one more wouldn't hurt. Before I know what's happening, the entire gang is here including Drake. That is how we had the party-that-wasn't-a-party.

The story continues three months later in a different city. Coincidentally, Drake and I are vacationing in the same city at the same time, although I got there before he did. This is where the weirdness sets in. For the entire week of his vacation, we didn't cross paths or talk even though we were aware of each other's presence.

Three months later.

I don't like elephants. To be more precise, I don't like elephants in rooms. I love them out on the grasslands, not in rooms. There was one in the room I shared with Drake, and it was going to get bigger. Before this story began, I had discussed some plans with Drake and those plans were taking shape now. Naturally, I wanted to give him a progress report but as I said, things were weird now because we didn't acknowledge each other's presence during our vacation. So I call Chris instead for advice on how to deal with Drake. Chris informs me that Drake has lost all of his savings and investments. This is news to me. Since Drake didn't tell me himself and Chris hinted it was something that he would like kept on the low, I let the elephant add a few kilograms in weight.

Two months later, I found out Drake had to sell off his car. I knew how much that car meant to him. It was the first car he'd ever bought after building up his business. That car was priceless to him. This would have been a good time to break the ice or maybe a wall so the elephant could be let out. But I've never been good with awkward situations or even breaking walls. So I sent a lame text instead.

By now, the elephant was just four months shy of its first birthday and it was dawning on me that I might have lost a friend. By now, we were barely talking to each other. To put this in perspective, before the party that wasn't a party, we would spend hours talking on the phone. People find it weird that a guy would talk to another guy on the phone for more than an hour but we did it. We were even business partners for a while. At times, I strongly felt as though I and Drake were kindred spirits. The current state of things between us was a far cry from how it used to be.

So one day, armed with nostalgia, I decided to address the elephant. This isn't how it ends. Drake is an amazing person. He believed in me when I was having trouble doing so. We made good memories, and this friendship wasn't going to end this like. I didn't want him to become somebody I used to know.

I reached out, and we have an honest conversation about what went wrong. It began with a party-that-wasn't-a-party. The first shot was fired by my impostor syndrome.

The End

I learned quite a bit from this experience. What is important cannot remain lost. As long as you're dear to me, I will try my best to keep you by my side unless you don't want me to. I have also learned that everyone is going through stuff. We also handle the same situations in our own ways. Finally, communication again is key. Say how you feel, and understand how the other person feels.

I found my friend!

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Comments

  1. Anonymous4 September 2022 at 22:03

    I enjoyed reading this piece. How do I access others like this.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nyerhovwo5 September 2022 at 08:40

      I'm assuming you don't have my contact. What I don't post on this blog, I post on WhatsApp. If you'd like to connect there, let me know

      Delete

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